Ecstatically Single

I finally made my mind about something ...

How do I explain this?

You know how's there's some girls who don't have to do a single thing, and guys are tripping over each other to but touch the hem of their garments? There's other girls who spend fifteen extra minutes on their hair, clothes, and makeup, and they're lucky if their best friend notices ... yeeah, that's me. And sometimes it really sucks.

I don't want to sleep around with guys. I don't want to flirt around with them. I don't even want to date steady for years and then break up. I want God to send Mr. Awesome along, marry him, and raise a pack of Little Awesomes. And sometimes, with all due respect, I wish God would give him a good one in the back pocket so he'd move faster in my direction.

So when girls who aren't serious get the choice of practically any guy they blink at, including some really good happily-ever-after material, it kinda stings. I know I gotta watch out for pride at this point; cuz pride is basically saying, "Hey, I deserve that attention. Not her." But after I've kicked pride out the window, it can still hurt. Because everything is happening to her. And nothing is happening to me. And the first question that comes to mind is, "What's wrong with me?"

And then God started bringing some other things to mind the other day. Like, it's hard enough to stay focused some days. How would it be if there were a flock of guys? Seriously, can you picture it? "Is that the one, God? How 'bout that one.... Ooooh, that one!" Boy oh boy.

Then He spoke to me through a message in His Word: "Every word of God is pure; He is a shield unto them that trust in Him." Often, I've read the verse, thinking of protection from physical harm; but why could it not also mean this? If I fully trust in God, He will be a shield to me, from anyone but Mr. Awesome.

Why not? God wants His perfect best for me, even more than I do. I don't want a good marriage; I want an awesome marriage. And it's not going to be awesome if God's Mr. Awesome isn't in the equation.

So, if no other guy gives me a second glance from here on out, may I thank You for Your protection, my God, my shield (!); and may I trust You to plan my future better than I ever would. May I not bog down in self-pity or hurt, but wait with excited anticipation for Mr. Awesome. Not happily ever after; but hey, let's carry the "ecstatically" part on, shall we? ;)

Excitedly anticipating, :D
Jenn